Although I’m a Communications major, I’ll be the first to admit that often times I “tune-out” when someone else is speaking to me. Not always, but often enough that I know I need to improve upon it.
Many times it is not because I don’t like the other person, or think what they have to say is unimportant, rather if I'm tired or preoccupied with other things, my mind wanders. I’d hazard a guess and say that this is true for almost everybody.
Even worse, sometimes I will zone-out the conversation completely and catch myself nodding in agreement to whatever the person is saying. What I’ve noticed is not just that my mind wanders to other topics, (depending on how interesting the other person is) I often stop paying attention entirely.
Within the context of conflict management, however, I do stay focused on the person with whom I’m having a disagreement. The difference being that conflict is engaging, while be “talked at” makes you feel uninvolved.
-Ben
Yes it is very very true with me too. If my mind is occupied with something really important then I cannot focus on anything. To put it right, I am physically present there, but mentally I am somewhere else. I understand that it is not good because I miss out on some important things going on with me in present.
ReplyDeleteAlso I agree that it depends on the person we are talking to, because if he can hold our attention means we are taking interest in what he says. If the person is not interesting enough to keep you engaged, my mind just goes for a ride. I want to be a good listener hence forth in especially such situations because the person whom my mind discards as boring, might have something to share appealing. To take it other way round that person might not have come up with anything remarkable in conversation with me because of my poor concentration.
Ben,
ReplyDeleteI totally know what you mean about zoning out. Sometimes I'll be in class and if a teacher (who I would normally listen to really carefully) is talking about something that I just have no interest in (or i'm preoccupied), I zone out. I do the same thing when I am talking to people when my mind is just NOT there.
Like the book suggests, when I catch myself doing this, I try to really focus on what they're saying and look at them because sometimes (not always) it can help me focus on them.
Interestingly enough though, I've realized that if it's someone I really admire or someone I have feelings for, I really pay attention to what they're saying, no matter the topic. I know that's sort of irrelevant, but kinda not.
Good points!
I couldn’t agree with you more! It’s kind of like trying to fall asleep, well for me at least. I will be in bed for about 20 minutes before actually falling asleep because I have so much on my mind. No matter how interested I am in reading, having a conversation with someone or even watching TV, my mind is always elsewhere. I think that’s just a part of being humans, we’re constantly thinking. I also agree with you on being completely engaged in a conversation where you are in a disagreement. It’s weird how that works, but also makes sense at the same time. You are more passionate and involved because you are arguing about what you think is right and what you believe in. Well, that’s my 2 cents anyway!! Great points Ben!
ReplyDeleteI found your blog post intriguing, open, and a sense of honesty about the way you communicate when others are speaking to you. I ask myself when reading your post, “Does Ben zone out with all people, or just the people he is not closest to?” My boyfriend is the same when it comes to listening to a topic that is elongated or uninteresting to him, so I completely understand. But conversations are not only about the person listening. The person speaking felt the words coming out of their mouth were important enough to tell you. Maybe that could help you in your challenge to wanting to be a better communicator or just better listener. Good luck!! :-)
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