Responses In Conflict

In the latter part of chapter 2, we are asked to consider our partner’s point of view. This is a very small part of the chapter, but an important one nonetheless. I have personally used the strategies mentioned for empathy and responsiveness and can say, without a doubt, they work.

In my current job, I am routinely called upon to intervene in stressful situations, often between two or more people, each with their own story about what happened and why they are upset. I find myself using key skills like “Rephrasing” and “Asking what the other person means” to help me in understanding why people are upset.

What I have found to be true is that, more often than not, people just want to be listened to. They want to express their feelings and have those feelings acknowledged and understood. Occasionally, certain individuals are capable of talking themselves through a problem when I prompt them with “Unfinished questions and letting the other person fill in the rest”.

 To understand motive is to understand what compels people to act a certain way. When I’m involved in situations like these, I don’t think, “Would I resent this?”, but rather, “Why do they resent this?”, or “Why would they think this?”.

I’ve been fortunate enough to have worked helping run after school programs for Junior High students recently. I have seen that conflict resolution is not me telling them what to do, or who is most at fault. It involves me leading them to the conclusion I want them to reach, but having them reach it by themselves. Responding to them with these types of phrases is incredibly useful and effective in helping me achieve this goal.

-Ben