Chapter 4 / Question 1
Generally speaking, it’s not hard for me to stop a conflict in its early stages. Part of this is just my personality type, I don’t get worked up easily - never really been my thing. If I were to give one of my “hothead” friends advice on how not to behave, it would be first to work on impulse control.
Take a deep breath and think to yourself, “Is this really worth getting upset about?”. Sometimes the answer is yes, it may be something serious enough to warrant attention. If so, I would then caution them to choose their words carefully (don’t say something you will later on regret) and watch their posturing. I’m thinking specifically of young, college age guys I’ve known and seen let their emotions get the best of them.
S-TLC is important because what begins as a simple misunderstanding often results in a show of idiotic machismo wherein neither party is willing to back down, thus further escalating the situation.
-Ben
You gave some very wise advice when you warned people to work on impulse control, to not say anything they might later regret and to watch their posturing. I’ve seen “idiotic machismo” demonstrated by all ages and by both males and females (“machisma?”) I’ve observed (and, ashamedly, taken part in) instances when both parties refuse to back down, which further escalated the situation. And, looking back on my observations of others’ conflicts as well as my own conflicts, sometimes what is being argued about seems ridiculous. In the heat of the moment things seem serious, but conflicts can be about the silliest things. It’s not until people are calmed down and able to be more rational that they can delve into what provoked the seemingly ridiculous conflict to find some serious stuff and hopefully discuss and deal with it.
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