On the topic of harmful conflict climates and defensive behavior; at the very bottom of page 113 lists a series of behaviors juxtaposed against one another. Midway down the list it labels “Neutrality” as a cause for defensiveness, and it’s opposite being “Empathy”. In other words, neutrality breeds defensiveness, while empathy breeds supportiveness.
At first, this stuck me as odd... Why would neutrality lead to defensiveness? After all, wouldn’t neutrality be, well, neutral? Then I began to think back to the various conflict situations I have been involved in over the years. I remembered specific examples of me growing frustrated when I felt as if my concerns weren’t being understood or fully appreciated. I remember one such occasion when a “neutral” third party intervened to settle a dispute between me and a co-worker. His best efforts to be neutral made me even more frustrated because he lacked any empathy for our situation. I grew defensive because I felt as if he didn’t properly understand my concerns. He was so focused on being impartial that his demeanor came off as robotic and uncaring.
This would have been much better handled if, instead of a defensive conflict climate, he was able to manage our dispute with equal amounts of empathy for both our situations.
-Ben
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